Soul-Stirrings from Stephen: What My Son's Needs Have Taught Me (3 - Extending Compassion)

Back in the olden days when I was in seminary (actually, that wasn’t so long ago, it just feels like it), one of my favorite professors shared a quote with the class that has stuck with me since then. I remember him talking about why he taught the subject he taught, and he said it was because “we teach the best what we need to learn the most.”



I think for a lot of us, that is true. I always said that to my youth group kids when I was trying to give a sermon, except I changed the word “teach” to the word “preach.” Some of the very things I wanted them to know were things I had struggled with or still struggled with (like dating the wrong guy – past, or trusting God – present).


This post is kind of about that. Once again, God has used Stephen to open my eyes a little bit. I don’t want to come off sounding high and mighty, and as my DH has always said, God will use anything to keep us humble when we start thinking too much of ourselves, or when we think about ourselves too much. I know in the past I have offended some people by attempting to say something God wanted me to say, and it came across like I know everything or thought I was better than them. Unfortunately, I don’t know everything, and I definitely don’t think I’m better than others.


I can confess that before I had Stephen, a baby with medical issues/special needs, I rarely, and I mean rarely, thought about parents who had a sick child or a child with special needs. Sure, I would see commercials about St. Jude’s with cancer patients, or hear of a mom and dad grieving over a stillborn baby. I’d see a child with Down syndrome in Target, and I’d think “oh, he/she is so cute.” But truthfully, it bothered me, and most of the time I’d catch myself saying an empty prayer and moving on. If I want to be brutally honest, I’ll just say I really didn’t care.


This pretty much changed when Stephen was in the hospital for 2 ½ weeks after he ended up dehydrated and refused to eat or drink. We were in the same hallway as children who had a myriad of issues; some were there for a simple surgery and would get to go home. Others were there with chronic illnesses. And still others were tiny babies clinging on to life.

I’ll never forget meeting the teenage mother of a baby who was premature and had a heart defect; this young girl had no idea if her child would make it from one day to the next. The fear and exhaustion on her face were more than I could take. It would be months before they could do a surgery on her child to correct the heart defect because she wasn’t big enough. She had never even held her baby girl.


After that, when we went to Baylor and stayed at the Ronald McDonald House in Dallas, I met a little boy named Jordan who had been battling cancer for years. I became quick friends with Jordan’s Mom, Vicki, who told me about Jordan and what their family had been through. It was like the ignorant, selfish blinders were gently removed from my face, and then I was hit on the head with a brick. My whole body was screaming at me to “WAKE UP…it’s not about you, it never has been!”


When we got home from Dallas, I was still having a really hard time accepting that my child wouldn’t eat and that we didn’t know what was wrong with him. But I also told God that I didn’t want to live with my eyes closed anymore to what other people, specifically sick or special needs kids and parents, were going through. I prayed for Him to give me opportunities to bless people, to reach out and show compassion.


It wasn’t long until I had that chance. Stephen needed another endoscopy to see why there was blood coming through his feeding tube, and during that time, I met a precious mother whose 17-year old son needed a feeding tube. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he had stopped walking, stopped talking, and stopped eating. He had a type of degenerative disease that was unknown. He was next door to Stephen in recovery. Tears just poured down my face as I watched her looking at her son’s new feeding tube they had just put in. I introduced myself and asked her if I could give her a hug and pray for her son. I think she was kind of shocked, but she didn’t hesitate. She was alone, and I think she felt it. While Paul stayed with Stephen, she and I talked. I told her how to use the feeding tube, and I gave her my phone number in case she needed anything. At the same time, there was a young nurse who was sitting at the desk. I walked back by her, and she asked me where I went to church. I told her where we went, and she said that she wanted to be in a church where people really cared about other people.


Not long ago I heard a quote that I love and want to share. It goes like this: "Sympathy says 'I feel sorry for you, but I'm glad it's not me.' Compassion says "My heart hurts for you, and I want to help.'" Somehow, in crazy ways, God takes our brokenness and uses it for good. But He can’t do that unless we get our minds off of ourselves and reach out to others.


There’s a new song out by Anthem Lights that I love; Stephen and I love to listen to it and dance together. I want to share the lyrics because it completely sums up what I’m trying to say in this post, and what I’ve been feeling for quite some time.


“Outta My Mind” – Anthem Lights


Feelin’ like I got a front row seat to watch everybody be happy
Can’t even paint a smile on my face, it’s so hard to not complain
Gotta try not to say
“O God, what about me”
‘Cause I know that’s not the way that I’m supposed to be


Get me outta my mind and into Your heart
It’s not about me, it’s not about me
So I’m gonna start playin’ my part in Your design
Now is the time
Get me outta my mind
Outta my mind


There's a bigger picture on display and it's starting to come in focus
Causing me to see to see the ones in need outside my little world
Gotta try, just to say
“O God, what can I do”
Doesn't matter what it takes, I wanna lead them all to You


Get me outta my mind and into Your heart
It’s not about me, it’s not about me
So I’m gonna start playin’ my part in Your design
Now is the time
Get me outta my mind
Outta my mind

If anybody asks me what have I been up to
This is what I'm gonna say
I've been spending my time, outta my mind
And I'm really lovin’ livin’ this way


Get me outta my mind and into Your heart
It’s not about me, it’s not about me
So I’m gonna start playin’ my part in Your design
Now is the time
Get me outta my mind
Get me outta my mind


So I’m gonna start playin’ my part in Your design
Now is the time
Get me outta my mind
Outta my mind