change...

i actually started out writing this post in response to a song a i heard on the radio the other day, but it kind of turned into something else, which i believe is a God-thing (as i like to say sometimes)...i'll write about that next time

in other news, i hate packing...

it's true...no matter how excited i am about where i'm going on a trip to (even if i was going to the moon), i despise it

packing always entails being organized...having a gigantic list of what to pack, not to mention things to do before you can pack, like laundry, charging the video camera, going to the store to buy a ton of stuff for the trip and running a million other little errands, cleaning the house, making arrangements for pets, etc, etc...

organizing things is not something i am always good at, but something that is absolutely required for me to exist and function on a day to day basis...without my dry-erase board on the fridge of things to do, people to call, places to go, i wouldn't make it...seriously...thankfully i have a husband who is actually GOOD at organizing, so he helps tremendously when it comes to getting ready for a big trip

as a graduation gift for Paul (and sort-of a second honeymoon for us both), our family and friends bought us a cruise vacation to the Western Carribean, specifically Cozumel...i have been to the Riviera Maya before and i've seen Tulum and Cancun and that whole area, but i only got to see the island of Cozumel from the shore...i never actually stepped foot on it, but how i wanted to! now we get to go...its pretty crazy to think that only 5 months ago, we were in Belize on a tropical vacation for our honeymoon, and a week ago we were in Knoxville, TN on a paid-for by the Guard conference trip...and now this...God has really used people in our lives to bless our socks off...without their help, none of the trips we've taken would have been possible...if you're reading this, and you helped with any of these trips, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

but as i was saying...no matter how much fun i know i will have on a vacation, i can never get excited about it until i'm there, and the craziness of getting ready to go is over...i wish i was more calm about it, i really do...but that's a part of me i can't change myself, and if God so desires, i know He'll keep helping me with that, and eventually change it

there's a saying/prayer that a lot of people, even those who don't follow Christ, like to use...it goes like this:

O God and Heavenly Father,
Give us grace with serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed;
the courage to change that which can be changed,
and the wisdom to know the one from the other,
through Jesus Christ our Lord.

i can't tell you how many myspace pages i come to where people have this on their "about me" section or somewhere else...but nobody ever has the rest of the prayer...did you know there was more to it? there is, and it goes like this:

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.
Amen.

the Alcoholics Anonymous group, which is the most common place this prayer is heard, has modified the prayer quite a bit...they have completely taken out the second half of the prayer, and they have changed the first part to say:

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

as you can see, they omitted the words grace, mind, and through Jesus Christ our Lord...

they also added in there the big letter I...what I cannot change...what I can change, etc, etc...this is what gets me the most about the changing of the prayer...placing the duty of change in the human's hands, instead of a Power or Authority much higher to be the agent of change...the problem with this is that we (humans) are not capable of real change, a permanent change...in actuality, if you look at the statistics, there are very, very few people who come out of Alcoholics Anonymous 12-Step programs who don't return to alchohol some time or another later on...now this is not to say that that these programs don't work at all...i know of people who were able to defeat the demon of alcoholism through this program...but these people also gave the credit to God, and allowed HIM to be the agent of change

perhaps my favorite part of this prayer is in the second half, which says Trusting that He will make all things right, if I surrender to His Will

never in the original prayer does it say that changing oneself is up to the person needing the change...it is up to God, for us to leave in His hands, "TRUSTING that HE will make all things right, IF we surrender to HIS will..."

it is God who knows the parts of us that need change, and it is only Him who can truly change us from the inside out...all we have to do is surrender those things to Him, and allow Him to do His work, all the while trusting Him to do it...the amazing thing about God is that although He never changes (for He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, always), He is the only one stable enough to be an agent of change...humans aren't capable of being stable long enough to be an agent of change...we are always changing, but when it comes to a change that needs to be made permanently, we are basically hopeless without Him...we cannot do it on our own

this is what i have done when it comes to my mania/fear of packing for trips and getting stressed out...it is what i have done when it comes to the previous post i wrote about people that i care for and worry about constantly...and it is what i have done when it comes to Paul leaving for Iraq in 2 1/2 months...these are things that i absolutely cannot change, but i know that if the Lord, who knows what is best in every situation, desires to change the circumstances, people, and me, He most definitely will

today, what are you trying to change about yourself, your life, your sitation? how many times have you tried to change the problem before? are you still trying to fix the problem, when God is the only Solution???

allow HIM to take control of yourself, your life and situations in it that you cannot change yourself...in time, He will make all things right unto Himself

what's going on...

there are so many people around me lately that Satan is truly having a hay-day with, that i don't really know what's going on or what to do

i'm completely discouraged and feel absolutely helpless...what do i say, how do i help, when i, too, am a messed up broken-hearted sinner who needs God's redemptive love every day just as badly

it seems at times that no matter how hard you pray for people, things don't change...i should go back and re-read my own last post about a hundred times after that statement...but when you pray so long and so hard for people, and nothing changes, its easy to feel that way

it's true...i'm human, and i can't help but wonder why...

why can't people see how much God loves them????? why won't they want what He wants, when they know His way is better (even if they won't admit it)??? i watch those i love day in and day out struggle with bitterness and hurt over relationships gone bad, or with the fact that they aren't in a relationship and the world tells them that to be single is to have a plague (contrary to God's Word)...i watch them struggle with making decisions that the Lord wants to make for them, if they would only let Him...i watch people who i thought had stopped a certain behavior years ago, pick up the same habit again, only to fall back to exactly where they were before...i watch people who say they are Christians completely defile the name of God on Saturday, then go to church on Sunday, pretending that what happened the night before, didn't...i watch them throw their lives away over money or power or worldly success or unhealthy relationships, just to try to get some sort of temporary satisfaction that never lasts, every day...i know...i did the same before i REALLY knew Christ...but i'm so tired of seeing it happen with others around me

i would give anything to be able to speak the truth into their lives, but i don't know how at times...what words can you say to comfort someone in their hurt, knowing full well at the same time that if they would only seek the Lord's will for their lives, things would be so different...i have been there...i've been just as guilty with some of the same things...i am no better of a person...but now that i've given my life over to the Lord, it's easier to see where i went wrong...and now i would do anything in my power to keep those i love from making the same mistakes and from living a life without the Lord themselves...

Lord Jesus,

Help me to believe and trust that You are in control, and that my prayers are not in vain. I KNOW You hear me Jesus, and I know that you care about every single one of the people in my life that I care about; You loved them long before I even knew what love is. But my heart cries out to you in desperation. I come to You on behalf of those around me who won't come to You themselves. Do something Lord, and prove Yourself to them; your servent Job asked You to do the same thing a long time ago. And You proved Yourself then. I ask that You would do it now. Help them to realize that life is bankrupt without You in the lead. I beseech You Father...help those that I love; I know You love them too. Keep calling them by name until they answer You. It's You their hearts really long for; it's You that they need. Do justice Lord...for You are just and You are good. Have mercy oh God...for Your mercy and love endures forever. Thank you Father for being present in the lives of those who don't know You; I know You are there, even though they can't see You or feel You or even if they don't think You exist. I'm begging You to do something Lord, because I can't change things and I can't change people; only You can, because You are the God of change, yet You never have need to change Yourself. I praise You God, even when I don't understand what's going on. Help me to trust Your Word...that You are not far from Your children, from those You love. Be present in their lives oh Lord. Thank You for all that You have done, all that You are doing, and all that You will continue to do. Forgive me where I have not shown You to others by my words, actions, thoughts, attitude, etc... Help me to be more like You in every way. I love You Lord.

Amen

unanswered prayers...

many, many moons ago, there was a song sung by a famous country star that i loved…granted, i can’t stand most country music nowadays (although there are a few good songs left), but leave it to Garth Brooks to make us think:



hmm…thanking God for unanswered prayers…

i could write an entire book on this topic…however, for sanity’s sake (mine and yours), i will refrain from doing so…for now at least (haha)

as i look back over the things in my life, especially the hard times, my mind quickly recalls the many prayers offered up to God for things that i wanted, or thought i needed, or prayers for someone else on their behalf

i think about how often i prayed for God to take away all my problems, for a relationship (which was already unhealthy to begin with) to work out, for a job opportunity to come open, for a person i knew who was suffering to be healed…and how at times it seemed that God was completely silent on all of the above mentioned topics, among others…i wondered and doubted and questioned Him, His will, whether He even cared

i can bet i’m not the only one who has experienced this before

yet there comes a point in time when we have to look at all of the prayers we have prayed, and all the prayers that others have prayed, which we believe have gone unanswered, and ask the question: what if all of our prayers had been “answered?”

the problem with unanswered prayers comes from our human picture of prayer in the first place…we Christians (especially in America) seem to think that if we pray hard enough for something, God automatically should and will give it to us…and what kind of answer do we get? well, the answer that we want…what we are praying for

it is at this point that i feel i should define what prayer is, and what prayer is not, in the Biblical sense…

according to the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry:

Prayer is the practice of the presence of God. It is the place where pride is abandoned, hope is lifted, and supplication is made. Prayer is the place of admitting our need, of adopting humility, and claiming dependence upon God. Prayer is the needful practice of the Christian. Prayer is the exercise of faith and hope. Prayer is the privilege of touching the heart of the Father through the Son of God, Jesus our Lord.

according to Dr. E. Stanley Jones:

Prayer is surrender - surrender to the will of God and cooperation with that will. If I throw out a boathook from the boat and catch hold of the shore and pull, do I pull the shore to me, or do I pull myself to the shore? Prayer is not pulling God to my will, but the aligning of my will to the will of God.

according to Leonard Ravenhill:

To be much for God, we must be much with God. Jesus, that lone figure in the wilderness, knew strong crying, along with tears. Can one be moved with compassion and not know tears? Jeremiah was a sobbing saint. Jesus wept! So did Paul. So did John... Though there are some tearful intercessors behind the scenes, I grant you that to our modern Christianity, praying is foreign.

you see, prayer is more than asking God for something and believing that He will give it to us…when we pray, we do it to be in the presence of God, to be heard by Him and to hear from Him as well…

i have to wonder, then, if God leaves some prayers unanswered, or if He does answer them and sometimes we ignore or don’t hear the real answer, because it is not the answer we want

as i journey through this life, and walk with the Lord, more and more i see that He has answered all of my prayers, and that i have not prayed in vain…but during the times in which i prayed some of those past prayers, i had come to God with a pre-made up mind of the answer that i expected Him to give me…and when i thought my prayer was never answered, it was because i didn’t listen, or really, didn’t want to listen… our human minds have the ability to deceive us greatly when we are in desperate need or want of something,

the truth is, all of my prayers have been “answered”…sometimes the answer has been “wait”…sometimes the answer was “be still and know that I am God”…sometimes the answer was “no”…and sometimes, more often then not, the answer was “yes”

i again think of the times i prayed for the Lord to take away my problems, and i realize that most of the time, I (me, myself and I) was the problem…i think of the times that i asked, really, begged the Lord to let a relationship i was in to work out, and i realize that if he had granted my request at that time, i would have been miserable and would not have been with Paul, who i was meant to be with all along…i think of the times i prayed for a job to open or a new job, and then i realize that the job i currently had was exactly where i needed to be in order to serve Him in the greatest way, even if it was the hardest way…i think back on the times that i saw people suffer, and i asked the Lord to heal them and take their suffering away, and then that person would pass away, and i realize that by taking them to be with Him, their suffering and pain ceased and they were completely healed

you see, if we pray in true faith, we will want what God wants for us and for others, not what we want…Richard J. Foster says: Prayer involves transformed passions. In prayer, real prayer, we begin to think God's thoughts after Him: to desire the things He desires, to love the things He loves, to will the things He wills.

when we do that, when we pray in this way, we get the BEST answer available…it may not be the answer that we want, but ultimately, God knows us better than we know ourselves…He knows what we need, which is greater than what we want…and when our desires become His desires, what we want becomes what He wants

what are some prayers that have gone unanswered for you? can you possibly look back and see that in reality, that prayer was answered, even if not in the way you wanted??? the Lord loves you, and has His perfect will in mind for you, whether you can see it or not

little miracles...

well, here i am, sitting in a lovely coffee shop in Knoxville, TN, waiting for my husband to finish with his conference for today so we can enjoy some time together on our mini-vacation

i’m especially thankful to the National Guard at the moment for providing us with complete compensation (even gas to get here!) to go on this trip for a week, so my husband can gain helpful training for dealing with his fellow soldiers in Iraq...as a chaplain’s assistant, his main job over there will be to minister to the men and women who are dealing with the realities of being in the midst of a war, away from home, from their families, from everything they know...i have an even greater admiration for Paul when i think about the fact that he will be dealing with these things himself while away, yet has offered his love and encouragement to the other soldiers at the same time...i’m not sure i could do that

i’m so proud of him...this weekend, Saturday the 9th, he is graduating from college with a Bachelor of Science in General Studies degree, with an emphasis on Physical Education

there is an amazing story behind this that i would like to share with you all on my blog...i can’t even begin to tell you how God has blessed this man of mine, but this is just a small glimpse (i wrote this a few days ago and shared it with friends on facebook, but i added some stuff to it:

Paul Michael graduated from high school 2 years later than he was supposed to. I graduated in 2001. He graduated the same year as I did, and he is 2 years older than I am. During his sophomore year of high school, he got into alcohol and drugs and began hanging out with the wrong crowd. His precious mother would beg him to go to church, but he felt like he was not good enough to be there (which of course is never the case...God wants us as we are before he changes us for the better). His mother continued to urge him to go with her (as he had done his whole life before now), but he still refused. As most of us in our teens, he sadly gave into the notion that "popularity is everything" and tried to fit in. As he got more and more into the "it" crowd, his grades began to suffer terribly. Several months later, he completely dropped out of high school, urged by his teachers and others to do so, as they told him he had no hope of anything else. It stayed this way for the rest of the year. Then, there was one night in which Paul got into a bad car wreck. He had invited his friend to ride in the car with him, but for some reason his friend refused. When the police found the car completely totaled, the passenger side was non-existent. If his friend had been in the car with him, he would have died. Paul realized this, and it changed his life. Knowing he and his friend could have died, he finally said yes to going back to church with his mother, where God met him face to face. The preacher talked about life being a vapor, and how quickly it can disappear. Paul knew God was directly speaking to him, and He committed to live his life serving the Lord no matter what. God told him to go back to high school, and he did, graduating with a grade average way above normal. Most of his old friends deserted him, and some of his teachers tried to make him fail, but he never gave up. After high school, Paul knew he wanted to go to college. God told Paul to enroll in the National Guard in order to serve Him there and to have college paid for. After many setbacks with the Guard, and a few deployments, he is finally graduating. He is the first and only one in his family to do so. He has worked harder than any man I know, and yet he still gives God every bit of the glory. He is absolutely the reason the name Paul means "humble."

it is not often (at least for myself), that one hears of a 27-year old, once high-school drop-out graduate from college, all the while managing two jobs, a new wife, and the National Guard...i am more proud of him than words can express, and i also give the Lord all the honor and glory for what he’s done with His child...i know that it is nothing short of a miracle

what "little" miracles has the Lord done in your life??? even if they are not obvious, if you look hard, you will find them...