do you ever have days where you'll look at yourself in the mirror and think, "wow...i have come so far" and at the same time think "wow...i still have so far to go"
sound crazy??? maybe, but hey, i can be a bit crazy at times...usually that comes out in some form of passion, depending on what i'm doing or what i'm talking about...in any case, i'm extremely passionate (in case you haven't already seen that from this blog)
lately i've really been praying about my image though...no, not how i look, but who i am really and how i appear to others...my identity in Christ, and whether others see Christ in me
there's a song by a band called Relient K, and its called "who i am hates who i've been"...yep, that is the honest-to God-truth
i went to my old Xanga blog the other night (which i STILL need to delete) when i couldn't sleep, and i read about 5o of my old posts...i really cannot BELIEVE some of the stuff i wrote about, or the level of immaturity i displayed (even when i spoke about Jesus) in so many areas of my life...and then there's the flat out fake-ness i had at times as well
it all makes me shudder with shame :-/
but in the past few years, as i've grown in my faith especially and as i've learned more about what it means to be a follower of Christ and to serve God, a lot of those things that used to be there have disappeared, and a different kind of maturity has appeared
yet then there are times when i'll think a certain thought, or display a certain attitude, or be walking through Wal-mart disgusted with some people i see, that i think "okay, have i really made any progress at all?"
i think life, even a life lived for God, is like that though...that often we take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back
yet in Christ, we have hope to keep pressing forward...to finish the race and know that at the end there is a great reward waiting if we continue to follow Him!
here are some things that i still want God to work on in me:
1. humility - to serve God with a humble heart and never think myself better than another, even when i know God's Truth...to speak the Truth in love
2. wisdom - to be able to discern the truth from lies, as well as help others do the same
3. friendship - plain and simple, to be a better friend to those around me and even those i've known for a long time
4. reconciliation - to mend relationships with people in my life that are still broken and hurting, esp. those relationships that need divine intervention
5. sacrifice - to be willing to give up what i want for God and for others around me
6. laziness - to get off the couch when i know that i have important things to do
7. genuinity - to not put on a front around others and to be someone they can turn to and trust
what about you? who are you becoming???
i am becoming me...