becoming me...

do you ever have days where you'll look at yourself in the mirror and think, "wow...i have come so far" and at the same time think "wow...i still have so far to go"


sound crazy??? maybe, but hey, i can be a bit crazy at times...usually that comes out in some form of passion, depending on what i'm doing or what i'm talking about...in any case, i'm extremely passionate (in case you haven't already seen that from this blog)

lately i've really been praying about my image though...no, not how i look, but who i am really and how i appear to others...my identity in Christ, and whether others see Christ in me

there's a song by a band called Relient K, and its called "who i am hates who i've been"...yep, that is the honest-to God-truth

i went to my old Xanga blog the other night (which i STILL need to delete) when i couldn't sleep, and i read about 5o of my old posts...i really cannot BELIEVE some of the stuff i wrote about, or the level of immaturity i displayed (even when i spoke about Jesus) in so many areas of my life...and then there's the flat out fake-ness i had at times as well

it all makes me shudder with shame :-/

but in the past few years, as i've grown in my faith especially and as i've learned more about what it means to be a follower of Christ and to serve God, a lot of those things that used to be there have disappeared, and a different kind of maturity has appeared

yet then there are times when i'll think a certain thought, or display a certain attitude, or be walking through Wal-mart disgusted with some people i see, that i think "okay, have i really made any progress at all?"

i think life, even a life lived for God, is like that though...that often we take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back

yet in Christ, we have hope to keep pressing forward...to finish the race and know that at the end there is a great reward waiting if we continue to follow Him!

here are some things that i still want God to work on in me:

1. humility - to serve God with a humble heart and never think myself better than another, even when i know God's Truth...to speak the Truth in love

2. wisdom - to be able to discern the truth from lies, as well as help others do the same

3. friendship - plain and simple, to be a better friend to those around me and even those i've known for a long time

4. reconciliation - to mend relationships with people in my life that are still broken and hurting, esp. those relationships that need divine intervention

5. sacrifice - to be willing to give up what i want for God and for others around me

6. laziness - to get off the couch when i know that i have important things to do

7. genuinity - to not put on a front around others and to be someone they can turn to and trust

what about you? who are you becoming???

i am becoming me...


Proud USMC Wife said...

Loved this one. I can relate on many levels of maturity through our walk with the Lord. I have found that as you get older I guess you would say judgment towards others gets better. I think it's beautiful that you can see how much you have grown.

Proud Marine Wife said...

Good post ! I like your writings. I'm going through similar things this summer. Although, lately I see how far I've come through making more recent bad choices. Sometimes I see myself reverting back and God is like " What are you doing ? Stop that and get back to yourself !"

It's easy to forget after some time we're not the same people we used to be, especially when you're busy moving ahead. Sometimes we need to stop and look back as a reminder where we've come from.

We have much to offer to God and there is much to be said to this world.

What scares me is when things are "calm" and it feels like life has stopped, that growing and learning has come to a hault . As long as we live there will always be able to grow because each day bring new opportunities to do so.

Mother of Danger and Jubilation said...

Um...that scares me...I'm gonna go check my old xanga, now.