so i am all packed and ready to go
i'm pretty much bouncing-off-the-walls excited about seeing my DH tomorrow...i can't wait to run into his arms at the airport and to kiss his sweet cheeks again...i won't know what to do with myself
however, i am anxious about flying, as usual...i have a fear of flying in airplanes and a fear of airports...something about all of it makes me so nervous that i get a giant knot in my stomach and don't sleep a wink the night before i fly
it's an irrational fear, i know, but it's one of those things i can't seem to shake no matter how many times i do it
one thing i get the most nervous about is going through security checkpoints...it scares me to death, which is completely ridiculous...i'm not exactly the gun-carrying, drug-smuggling type...but still, i get all shaky just walking through the big metal-detector thingy
right now, in my life, i'm going through a major security checkpoint...no, there aren't cops all around me checking my suitcases everyday...but there is a lot that i could fear right now...a lot of "what if's" keep going through my mind...but my hope is secure in the Lord...i have put my faith and trust in only Him, and somehow, He continues to assure me through His Word, an everlasting and unchanging love letter and promise to my heart and soul
i believe that Jesus is beginning to teach me through the trial of Paul being gone to find my ultimate security in Him...this is a lesson that i struggled with while being single, and i thought that being married to a wonderful, godly man would make that insecurity disappear...my DH has truly helped many of my insecurities...but he cannot erase my fears...only Christ can do that
God has already proven His faithfulness over and over in my life, and He has been giving me an extra dose lately...i could share many testimonies, most of them mundane...yet i am continually surprised by His goodness and grace in mysterious ways:
tonight i opened up one of my Christmas presents from Paul...he had gotten my mom to take care of most of the details so that i could open it here since it is too big to bring to Texas with me...i opened it and started crying...he had one of our pictures from our wedding enlarged and my mom had it matted and framed...the amazing thing about this picture, and the reason i couldn't stop crying, was that at the top of the picture, a huge rainbow ran through the sky...it looked as though it was coming out of the cross engraved in the top of the church bell tower...
even more amazing is that no one, not even the photographers, noticed a rainbow the day of our wedding...the sky was perfectly clear, sunny, with no forecast or sign of rain that morning...the rainbow was not visible in the 4x6 photos i purchased from the photographer, nor was it visible in the digital photos that the photographers own...it was not there in plain sight to anyone
immediately i ran to get my Bible and opened it to the story of Noah's Ark, where i found the Scripture which speaks of the rainbow...
"And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."
~ Genesis 8:12-15
tomorrow the weather forecast says rain all day, and i have to get on a plane and face my fear so that i can see my Paulie...in my life right now, i'm facing many fears and it feels like a downpoar on my soul at times...and there will be many tears that fall the day i have to leave Paul in Texas, the biggest security checkpoint i'll go through during this entire trip
however, i am trusting God and believing He is my security...i'm believing that He will keep His promise and not let the flood waters destroy me or the life He has planned for me...again, i am raising my hands through the rain, the tears, the storm, and i will praise Him even when i cannot see the rainbow
i wish you all a blessed Christmas...trust in Him for all your needs, and He will keep his promises