wow...its been too long since i've written a blog...but so much has been happening in my life that i honestly haven't had the time
so, i am now a married woman...
unbelievable, i know...it seems like it happened so fast
however, besides giving my life to Jesus Christ, this is the best decision i have ever made...really
its funny how people ask me all day long "so, hows married life" or "do you like being married" etc...
i usually answer with "its wonderful" or "i couldn't be happier"...but in all honesty, its much more than that
Paul has blessed me in more ways than i ever thought possible...there is nothing better than seeing his smiling face every morning and every night...knowing that he is there for me constantly...having someone to talk to always...praying with him every day and every night before we go to sleep...
there were walls i had built up around myself for so long that have come crashing down since we've been together...but even more so now that we are married...there were deep, deep places of hurt that i had buried for so long that have been dug up by God during this time as well...but now that i have someone so close to experience the healing process with, it has made it so much easier...not perfect, but better...my husband is a burden-carrier for Christ...he carries my burdens, and i carry his as well
our wedding was incredible...and the honeymoon even more so...but just being with him in real life, every day, is more than enough...
a lot of people say "its just marriage, it happens every day" or "most marriages don't even last", but i am convinced that the Lord knew what He was doing when he brought Adam and Eve together...
i used to think otherwise...i used to be cold, hard, and bitter about the whole idea of marriage, and used to look at married couples with this insane jealousy yet at the same time loathing what they had because i thought i'd never have it...there has been a lot of need for repentence and broken-ness in my heart as of late...
its kind of hard to explain the spiritual connection Paul and i share...some people may call it being "soulmates" but its not that...its a divine relationship, a connection that our souls share that will never break...this is why at weddings you hear the line "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder"
...its a look between the two of us when something is wrong with the other, and you don't have to say a word because you already know what that other person is feeling or thinking...its an interest you discover that you both share that you didn't already know about before...its an evening of sitting around doing absolutely nothing but having the most wondeful time just because you're together
i know that thing are going to be hard at times...in fact, we are already facing a future that is a bit uncertain in the next year or so (more on this later)...but constant time spent with God in prayer and in His Word, both individually and together, continues to keep us strong and full of faith, hope, and love
i'm definitely not an expert yet at this whole marriage thing, but i believe with all of my heart that its only going to get better as the years go by...i tell Paul all the time that one life with him is not enough...its true...i wish i had 10,000
do i miss being single? no, but i don't regret it either...i look back on that time of my life now with joy in my heart, thanking God that He had me all to Himself for a little while and used that time to make me into the woman he was (and is STILL) preparing me to become...have i forgetten all of the pain? not for one second! have i forgotten the many tear-filled, sleepless nights? never will i...
yet it was soooo worth it...i wouldn't be the person i am today if i had just married the first guy who came along...i wouldn't be the person i am today if i had not been single for as long as i was...i wouldn't be the person i am today if my life had gone any other way than it did
just because i'm married doesn't mean He's finished with me yet, nor with Paul...on our wedding program, we asked our family and friends, after thanking them for being there for us for all those years, to continue to pray for and support us as we grow in the image of Christ together...just because i am married doesn't mean that time of growing and becoming more like Jesus has stopped...in fact, i have grown leaps and bounds in the past couple of weeks...but i am still Sara...the same Sara i have always been...and thats one reason i married Paul...because he loves the Sara i am, the Sara i was, and the Sara i will become...
one thing i keep in mind all the time is that Paul and i are not perfect...we never will be...as Christians, we strive after perfection in God's image (see Matthew 5:48, 1 Corinthians 13:10, Hebrews 10:14, etc)...but we are going to mess up and make mistakes no matter what...however, if i love Paul as not only my husband, but as my brother in Christ and as my friend, i will be slow to anger and to speak, and quick to forgive and to give grace...if i love Paul the way God loves Paul, then there is absolutely nothing he can do to make me stop loving him...as his wife, this is what i am called to do...
marriage is amazing, it is wonderful, and i love Paul more every day we are together...but if it were not for the love of Christ in my heart, i know that things would not be this way, and cannot be that way for anyone who is dating, engaged, or married...i say this with all humility, because i know that if it were up to me, i would fail...i can only have a successful marriage through the power of the Holy Spirit, the truth and grace of Jesus Christ, and the blessing of God the Father...
"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now." ~ C.S. Lewis
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